The Beer Goggler Says: I was pretty eager to tell everyone about my New Year’s Eve sex victories but was too hung over to brag about how big of a stud I am until now. Before I start, let me just say that I am a Ron Jeremy filling inside a young Robert Redford skin. You should have seen me on New Year’s Eve – I was slaying hot girls one after the other. Do you have any idea how turned on girls get when a tall, dark and handsome man brooding with confidence whispers sexy sweet nothings into their ear. This was me all night long. I was so hot I wanted to make sweet love to myself. It was pretty unbelievable when I think about it. In fact, it was almost magical. And my magical I really mean imaginary because I resembled nothing more than a really drunk, out of shape caveman. I don’t really remember much other than stumbling around trying to hit on hot girls. It kind of went like this – a swig from my drink, a tequila shot and a few grunts in the direction of a hot girl. Another swig of my drink, a few grunts toward another hot girl and one more tequila shot. A few more grunts in the direction of a dude with long blonde hair who looked like a hot girl, a few more tequila shots, a swig of my drink and me wetting my pants. A group of hot girls pointing at me and giggling uncontrollably for having wet my pants, a few more swigs of my drink and another couple of tequila shots. All in all I think it was one of the greatest nights of my life. If you plan on having a birthday, anniversary or engagement party in the near future I will rent myself out to you for 50 bucks, one bottle of tequila and a spare pair of pants. Your wife or girlfriend will love you for it…

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