The Beer Goggler Says: There are a lot of people out there who would rather be locked away in a Turkish Prison than listen to Paris Hilton talk about how she is an icon and a global brand. I’m not one of them. I know what goes on inside Turkish Prisons – it isn’t pretty. I have a much better solution. How about just getting totally plastered so you don’t remember any of the annoying things she always seems to say? That way you can stare at her when you’re hammered and imagine all the dirty things you would do to her if she took you home. You see, Paris may be annoying, but she certainly knows how to push all the right buttons. She is always half naked or all naked, made a sex tape, drinks, smokes, makes out with other chicks and has a damn hot pair of legs. And it’s okay to admit it. She can’t help how she looks. She is hot in a slutty sort of way, which is exactly what we like. My advice to you is drink heavily before you watch or look at anything Paris Hilton. Your eyes and ears with both thank me for this advice…

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